Clarity Rules

Clarity is the key to having the confidence to confront bullies. Why? Confusion immobilizes. When we're not sure what we believe, we're not sure what to say or do, and when we don't know what to say or do, we usually don't say or do any- thing. Bullies capitalize on this uncertainty to press their advantage.

Clarity produces conviction. Conviction keeps us strong. Think about it: If you're clear that your children are your top priority, it's easier to say no to going out with the gang after work, because you know you want to get to the field on time to watch your son's soccer game. When we are clear that we have a right to be treated with respect, we don't allow people to treat us with disrespect.

Imprint the following "Clarity Rules" in your mind. Believe them in your gut. Post them where you can see them through- out the day. Carry a copy in your wallet so you can pull them out when the occasion warrants. Review them frequently for a shot of courage. The clearer we are about who we are, the less vulnerable we'll be to a bully's effort to railroad us.

Emancipation is defined as "to free from restraint, control, bondage, or the power of another." Our goal is to develop and adopt our own personal Bill of Rights so we can emancipate ourselves from the individuals who have been bullying us. Understand that bullies will not just go away and voluntarily leave us alone. Why should they? They've got a good thing going. We must take responsibility for ending a dominant/doormat situation or it will continue.

Clarity Rules

 * I have clarity that my definition of a healthy relationship is one in which I have the freedom to think and act for myself.
 * I have clarity that I choose to believe the best of people, and I give them the benefit of the doubt until they prove me wrong.
 * I have clarity that I will be kind and compassionate until someone tries to take advantage of my good nature.
 * I have clarity that I will seek win-win resolutions until it is obvious the other person refuses to play by the rules.
 * I have clarity that it is my responsibility to speak up if someone crosses the line of common decency.
 * I have clarity that suffering in silence perpetuates the problem.
 * I have clarity that I will speak up if someone tries to intimidate me.
 * I have clarity that I will walk tall so bullies won't perceive I'm weak.
 * I have clarity that I am a worthwhile person who has the right to stand up for my needs if someone tries to trample them.
 * I have clarity that I will ask myself, "What's my culpability?" so that I do not unwittingly contribute to or perpetuate a bully's mistreatment of me.
 * I have clarity that I will set and state limits in advance so people know my boundaries and ethical threshold.
 * I have clarity that I will no longer "keep the peace" at any price.
 * I have clarity that I want to serve as a role model for my loved ones that we do not passively endure someone verbally abusing us.
 * I have clarity that I will not volunteer to be a victim, and I will remove myself from a relationship in which someone is trying to control or own me.
 * I have clarity that words can hurt and haunt. I will not demean others and I will not allow anyone to demean me or a loved one.
 * I have clarity that life is a blessing, not a burden, and I will not allow bullies to undermine my sanity or that of my loved ones.
 * I have clarity that I am responsible for my physical and mental health, and I take appropriate action to improve unsafe situations.
 * I have clarity that I do not give myself up and I do not give up on myself.